Secret Internets

An adventure that will live for all eternity

2008-06-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

It was incredible enough that The Mummy was followed up with The Mummy Returns featuring The Rock as the [almost] unstoppable Scorpion King with the delightful Billy Zane doppelganger. Well, thankfully we can all wait for 8/1/2008 when The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor opens in theatres. I had some great hesitation knowing that The Rock would not be starring in this feature length film, but thankfully my disappointment has been revoked by Jet Li as the Dragon Emperor. Great Wall of China, anyone? Terracotta army? The abominable snowman? Jet Li? Jet Li controlling the five elements? Brendan Fraser's inspiring acting skills? See for yourself:

August 1st cannot come soon enough.

To the sweat drop down my balls

2008-05-31T12:36:00.000-07:00

So it's become apparent to me that someday I might (well more and more it seems to be confirmed) become an insane bird lady. It's really something that you can't control, no matter how much agency you think that you have over your life. I mean, Bird Noir taking a bath or eating rice does change my life on a daily basis. I had almost given up on my predetermined destiny when I came across this video several days ago:

and if that ain't enough, I bring you this:

Now I feel a fear so deep inside that I must fight thiswith everything I have. Holy shit.

Mega-what?

2008-05-08T22:18:00.001-07:00

So the following question is in my GRE math study guide:

"Mr. Megabuck drove his new Cardiac sedan 34-1/2 miles and used 3-1/4 gallons of gasoline. How many miles per gallon did he average?"

Not only am I wondering how to answer this question, but I am also wondering how I can find Mr Megabuck. Perhaps this is him...

1837

2008-05-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

Remember when this is the City of Chicago Seal? Way to go Chicago for thinking of all of my favorite things and placing them in one quintessential icon of my dreams & aspirations. The only things that could possibly be an improvement would be a dinosaur and/or eagle.

Chicago, there's always room to improve.

Pandemic

2008-05-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

Highlight of the weekend: A woman at Discovery Park pointed out a raccoon in the bushes off of the trail and said "Oh look at the raccoon, we should be careful, it might have AIDS." Then after a minute of pondering, she corrected herself with "Oh not AIDS, Rabies." Same thing, right?

A surprise treat awaits you

2008-05-01T14:11:00.000-07:00

To celebrate our final remaining days with our current employer, my tiny colleague and I decided that we would give in to temptation and visit the Panda Express. We had been resisting for a year and a half and we thought that it was time to treat ourselves. However, as was to be expected, there were so many regrets:

1 Minute [after ordering]: feelings of excitement, delusions of grandeur, immortality

5 Minutes: still
30 Minutes: serious regret

45 Minutes: loss of ability to move limbs, sit upright, vertigo-must lie on the floor

75 Minutes: gas

I do not like where this is going. I also do not believe that my fortune of "A surprise treat awaits you" bodes well for me.

No bottoms

2008-04-07T20:46:00.000-07:00

So today after an hour of fitness, I retreated to the locker room to pick up my belongings. Unsurprisingly, there was a women wearing a track jacket top with no bottoms. This is not the first time that there has been a lady with no bottoms on. I've had lengthy conversations with pals in the past about the absolute wrongness of no bottoms-only tops. No tops and bottoms is manageable, but no one wants to see your bottom underparts. Alright, so what made this scenario an anomaly from the usual no bottoms situation was the fact that she was eating a yogurt cup. Yep, just standing there, eating a yogurt cup with no bottoms. She had enough time to pull out her track jacket, put it on, zip it up, and pull out a cup of yogurt.

I don't think I can go back there tomorrow.